If you want your kids to have high self-esteem, say goodbye to these 6 habits (2024)

As a parent, you are in a position to single-handedly make or break your child’s self-esteem and self-worth.

By default, you are one of the two most important people in your child’s life… an undertaking many parents out there aren’t willing or ready to make.

So they fumble their way through parenthood, raising a child who ends up with self-esteem issues so ingrained, that they affect their opportunities well into adulthood.

Not good.

High self-esteem doesn’t happen by chance; it’s rooted in how you nurture your child during their most impressionable years of life… and how gentle and caring you are in that process.

In this article, I’ll walk you through the habits you need to let go of, if you want your kids to have healthy levels of self-esteem.

So if these items sound familiar, consider it time to shape up before things get out of hand.

Let’s get to it!

1) Constant criticism

Mistakes are a part of life.

There are few things more human than occasionally being wrong.

Hence, you should allow your kids to make mistakes and get back up again with confidence, rather than condemning them, as if being wrong is a permanent part of their personality.

I grew up with a loud, brash, emotionally unintelligent family.

Sure, they may have loved me, but they didn’t always act like it.

I was frequently criticized for small mistakes, which ultimately damaged my self-esteem as a young, sensitive child.

I was conditioned to feel permanently inadequate rather than confident and bold.

Unfortunately, this emotional indoctrination has hampered me throughout my adult years.

Even today, I occasionally still second-guess myself and hesitate, which has affected my professional and personal opportunities.

Practically every day, I have to battle this self-doubting nature.

And though I don’t hold it against them (it was a different, more unenlightened time back then), I often think that if only they were more constructive instead of critical, I’d be a completely different person today.

2) Comparing to others

There are few quicker routes to making a child feel inferior than comparing them to others, particularly peers or siblings.

Maybe you have an overachieving, academically brilliant, or very good-looking sibling and you grew up hearing about how great they were on a near-daily basis, while you were made to feel like chopped liver.

I’m in my mid-30s and hence a lot of my friends are parents now, many with multiple children.

The best parents among my friends are the ones who treat all of their kids equally, putting the effort in to make each feel special and unique.

They don’t compare one child to the rest, and highlight the difference in their abilities or looks.

They’ll never go there… a good parent almost instinctively knows that comparing their children to others is off-limits.

Instead, they will celebrate their kids’ respective unique qualities and achievements, reassuring them more than anything.

3) Overprotectiveness

I get it, you want to keep your child safe and secure, and you want to mitigate their chances of failure or danger in life.

But at some point, you have to start respecting them as autonomous human beings rather than helpless dependents.

If you coddle and shelter them indefinitely, you’re both hindering their growth and inducing resentment.

You want to raise kids who can stand up for themselves on their own, who are resilient, gritty, and powerful, not perpetually fearful.

You don’t want to raise a child who is so afraid of challenges or failure that they will never try… only to regret it later.

Once you allow your child to face difficulties and learn from them, expect good things to happen.

4) Lack of praise

Words of affirmation go a long way for a child in their formative years.

Sure, in general, actions may speak louder than words… but as a kid, words matter.

Make your child feel special, rather than an undervalued afterthought, by consistently acknowledging their efforts and accomplishments, no matter how big or small.

Set them straight when they’re out of line and offer genuine praise when it’s deserved.

Communicate with your kids.

A balanced parenting approach will go a long way for you and your child’s self-esteem.

You got this.

5) Ignoring their opinions

As mentioned, I grew up with a loud family.

If you didn’t speak up with substantial volume, your voice would be likely drowned out pretty quickly.

Being a sensitive kid, I grew up feeling unheard.

I knew in my heart I had thoughts and feelings that mattered, but my family didn’t make me feel like it.

Rather than acknowledging my feedback, they’d dismiss and ignore me, getting caught up in their own boisterous discourse.

So rather than growing up feeling validated, reassured, and taken seriously, I regularly felt pretty unimportant.

Even socially, I tended to act meek and excessively humble… something that persists even today as an adult.

This could’ve all been avoided.

So don’t make the same mistakes my parents and family did.

Encourage open communication and actively listen to your kid’s perspectives.

The difference will be incredibly palpable in the long run.

6) Using negative labels

As a parent, you’re the adult, you’re the mature one, the role model.

You should embrace that role and always act like it.

Calling your kid names like “lazy” or “stupid” or whatever else can be incredibly damaging, coming from someone they’re supposed to look up to and be a rock in their life.

So when you’re with your child, always think before you carelessly blurt out things.

Yes, it’s important to address and correct bad habits… but when you do, make it a point to focus on the behavior, not the person.

Final words

As a parent, it’s in the job description to provide emotional support for your child.

Make them feel validated and heard, rather than resort to name-calling and leaving them feeling isolated.

You brought them into the world. That’s a big deal. It’s time you started acting accordingly.

Remember, you have only one shot at parenting your child.

Make it count for both of you.